She Faked a Hurt Leg. What My Daughter Taught Me About Bullying and Raising Confident Children.
Black Girl’s confident smile.
She made her move carefully, a small stumble, a wince, a hand on her leg. I watched. I said nothing. I had seen what happened, and I knew what had not. So I said no, and she went to school. It was only much later that she finally told me what had actually happened.
The Morning She Did Not Want to Go Back
My daughter had just started primary school. She was small and new and still learning how the world worked. During recess, a child pointed at her across the playground and said, loudly, so others could hear: "You are Black."
She did not know what to do with that. She did not have the words yet. She just carried it home quietly, and the next morning, she faked a hurt leg.
She was not hurt. She was protecting herself the only way she knew how, by trying not to go back to the place where it happened.
When she finally told me, my heart broke a little. And then I thought about what I wished she had been able to say in that moment. Something like: "You must be blind. I was Black yesterday and the day before. I have always been Black. So what exactly is your problem?"
Of course, that would have been a lot to ask of a child just finding her feet in a new school. But the confidence behind those words, the unshakeable knowledge of who she is and the right to stand in it fully, that is exactly what I wish she had already had inside her. 💛
Bullying Is Not Just Physical, and It Starts Earlier Than We Think
When most people think about bullying, they picture physical aggression, pushing, hitting, and name-calling in the obvious sense. But bullying is far more subtle than that, and it starts far earlier than most parents realise.
A child being singled out for how they look. A child is being excluded from a group. A child being made to feel that something about them, their skin, their hair, their size, their accent, is wrong.
What the research tells us about bullying in UK schools:
Around 1 in 5 children in the UK say they have been bullied in the past year
Racist bullying remains one of the most underreported forms of bullying in primary schools
Children who experience bullying are significantly more likely to struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem, and poor school attendance
Early intervention and confidence-building at home is one of the most effective protective factors
My daughter's faked hurt leg was an attendance issue on the surface. Underneath it was a little girl who had been made to feel that something about her was a problem, and who had not yet been given the tools to know, with absolute certainty, that it was not.
Resilience Does Not Start at School. It Starts at Home
We cannot always be there when the playground moment happens. We cannot always protect our children from the child who points, the group that excludes, or the comment that lands the wrong way. But we can do something more powerful than protection.
We can build something inside them that is already there when the moment comes.
"Resilience is not what happens after the hard moment. It is what was already built before it arrived."
Children who know who they are and have heard affirming things about themselves repeated gently and consistently respond to hard moments differently. Not because they do not feel the sting. But underneath the sting, something solid holds.
What Builds Resilience in Children Before the World Tests It
Hearing positive, specific affirmations about who they are, not just "you are good" but "you are creative, you are kind, you belong here."
Seeing themselves represented, in books, in images, in stories that reflect their own face at them
Having quiet, creative outlets that help them process emotions without words, colouring, drawing, writing
Adults who name their feelings and validate their experience without minimising it
A home environment that says, loudly and consistently, you are enough exactly as you are
Why I Created These Books
My daughter's story did not leave me. It sat quietly in the back of my mind for years, the image of a little girl who did not have the words, who faked a hurt leg, who needed something I had not yet given her.
That is one of the reasons I created what I create. Not from a place of anger. From a place of love and a deep conviction that our children deserve to know who they are before the world tries to tell them otherwise.
Books That Build Confidence From the Inside Out
Three books designed to affirm, uplift, and strengthen children at home before the hard moments arrive.
👦🏾 I Have a Future: Positive Affirmations for Black Boys Affirmations that speak directly to Black boys about their identity, their worth and their future.
👧🏾 I Have a Future: Positive Affirmations for Black Girls Affirmations that tell Black girls, in words they can colour, carry and believe, that they are enough.
🎨 Positive Affirmations Colouring Book for Kids For every child. Affirming, joyful and beautifully illustrated , confidence through colour.
To Every Parent Reading This
If your child has ever come home quiet. If they have ever faked a leg injury, a headache, or a stomachache. If they have ever said "nothing happened" when everything in their face says something did, this post is for you.
You cannot fight every battle for them. But you can fill them up so completely with the knowledge of who they are that when the hard moment comes, something inside them already knows how to stand.
Start at home. Start early. Start gently. One page, one affirmation, one quiet colouring session at a time.
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Start Building That Foundation Today
I have a free affirmation colouring page waiting for you, a small, beautiful first step. Join the list and I will send it straight to your inbox.
Get Your Free Colouring Page →Or browse the full collection at ruthymichaels.com
