Who Forced You to Marry the Coconut-Head Man?

A woman laughing.

Let’s talk, sis.

You’re sitting there, arms folded, staring at your husband like he’s the biggest mistake you ever made. The coconut head. The stingy one. The stubborn man who refuses to say sorry, even when he knows he’s wrong. And you’re thinking, How did I end up here?

You turned down well-to-do men, who could’ve offered you an easy life. You said no to the one with the Range Rover, the one who never forgot your birthday, the one who knew how to cook jollof rice better than your auntie. And yet… You said yes to this one.

Now you’re asking yourself, Who forced me to marry this man?

But wait—he’s asking the same thing.

He’s looking at you, remembering how you used to be sweet and soft-spoken. Now you’re loud, rude, and you still don’t know how to cook egunsi properly. He’s wondering why he chose you out of all the beautiful ladies he could’ve married. The ones who smiled more. The ones who didn’t roll their eyes. The ones who didn’t call him coconut head.

Marriage is not a walk in the park. Even if you marry your best friend, there will be seasons of misunderstanding, confrontation, and silent treatments. But that doesn’t mean you married wrong. It means you are married for real.

Ebenezer Obey sang it best:“Tokotaya e ma ja o… nitori Oluranlowo le e je.” Translation: Husband and wife, don’t fight. At least make up. Let each other say what’s paining them because we are helpers of each other.

Marriage is about two imperfect people choosing each other—again and again. It’s about remembering why you said yes in the first place. What did you see in him? Dig it up. Polish it. Celebrate it.

And man, celebrate her. The woman who still shows up, even when she’s tired. The one who’s learning to love you through your flaws. The one who’s still standing beside you, coconut head and all.

I love seeing older couples holding hands, laughing softly, looking at each other with eyes that say, We’ve been through it, but we’re still here. You think they didn’t have storms? They did. But they worked it out—together.

So today, pause. Look at your partner. Say what’s hurting you. Listen to what’s hurting them. And remember: Unity is a blessing. “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brethren dwell together in unity.” —Psalm 133

Marriage is hard work. But yes, we can.

This colouring page is taken from " Sobriety and Recovery Colouring Book."